In my dullest moment of the day I find myself daydreaming about the moment I can crawl under the covers and silence the world so that I can get some rest and rejuvenate to face another, hopefully more eventful, day. Last night, the end of my day had arrived and I climbed into bed ready to succumb to the aches and pains that had been yelling at me all day to take a break; but just as it is almost every night, my mind decides its going to continue racing along at a million miles a minute. Earlier that evening I had a chat session with a friend and we spoke about how unfortunate it can be sometimes to give people the benefit of the doubt. I'm not so much a cynic, but a realist and I know there is no such thing as a bullshit detector, but there are just some people out there that can't be trusted. By no means am I also saying I'm a saint, but I make the best effort to live my life with concern for others and not do or say anything malicious. As I lied in bed my mind began to think about those who choose to make a conscious effort to live a good life for themselves in hopes of putting some good out into the world and those who don't. I believe we all have ultimate versions of ourselves, and, if we put in the time, we all have the potential to become our true selves. So, as much as I wanted to take a break from reality and drift off to dreamland, my mind was jumping around in my head like a kid in a bounce house and shouting at the top of its synapses, eager to get these thoughts out. Most of my ideas and theories come to me in the middle of the night. As a result, I have resorted to keeping some kind of recording instrument near my bed at all times. I knew that I had to appease my mind and write my thoughts out if I was going to get anywhere near entering dreamland. I reached for my phone and began to type:
I think we all tend to question what it is our purpose should be; whether or not we do anything to try and find the answer is a different story. For those of us who do make the attempt, it becomes that point in our lives when we begin the process of soul-searching or self-evaluation or whatever you want to call it. I believe this process does not involve becoming a "new and improved version" of ourselves, but involves peeling back the layers and getting closer to the ultimate version of ourselves. I think by looking at it this way we are not conforming to what others in our lives or society as a whole tells us we should be; but are evolving into who it is we're meant to be. Going back to the conversation I had, I don't think it is always necessary to give people the benefit of the doubt. I think that those people who do not deserve the benefit are the ones who are content with just conforming to societal expectations and don't ever make a true effort to evolve. They spend their time being inauthentic and manipulative in hopes of satisfying their own selfish desires. As much as I love to think selfish/mean people can learn from the error of their ways...I've come to accept that I cannot always help those types of people who happen to enter my life; especially if they don't want it. I can, however, exercise my right to make sure they exit my life so I don't have to put up with them.
Maybe these ideas come to me because once I put myself in bed, I finally allow myself to truly rest; in turn, allowing the more poignant ideas to rise to the surface. Imagine that we all have these internal tanks where our thoughts and expressions can swim around freely. These tanks are permeable and we can choose to share our thoughts and feelings with the world or keep them nicely tucked away for ourselves alone to enjoy when we need a pick me up. This also allows a place for us to store all the treasures that others give to us. From something as strong as someone telling you they love you and/or they really value having you in their life to something minute like someone thanking you for being able to give them a lift somewhere. We can always pull from this reservoir whenever we need a "pick-me-up". Although, because these tanks are permeable, they are not impervious to negativity. These tanks are open to the public and we must beware those people who take pleasure in polluting others tanks. Throughout the day we can come across many who attempt to toss their bullshit in our tanks. The bullshit tends to float on top and if we end up with too much in our tanks in can lead to the drowning of our treasures and ideas. At the end of the day, we must take the time to relax and clean out our tanks to make room for all our treasures received and good ideas to be had. Thus, my theory is that my ideas come at night because my time to unwind involves skimming the surface and raking away all the crap that can drown out the goodness. It needs to be done on a regular basis or a person can really get weighed down. Then at some point, the crap out numbers the goodness and can lead a person to give up on shoveling out all that shit because it seems like such an impossible task. Please people, every night, be sure to clean out your tanks!
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